Entry: Wallet Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Last Monday, I found a wallet a week ago near my house. Happened to belong to a student in the same university so I managed to contact him rather easily over email. Phew. It'd be a massive hassle to bring it to the police station or something. I met up with him later in the evening to pass it to him.

On Saturday, he decided to invite me to dinner/drinks at a pub (together with his friend) to thank me. Took up the offer and it was pretty nice. His friend was rather cute but he did ask if I could read minds because I mentioned I do Neuroscience (we're not even talking about Psychology here!)

And then yesterday he decided to invite me for tea...Which was all fine, except that when I took up the invitation, he said he would come pick me up from my place.

Now that's new.

(Ok, somehow I just thought about how in a Singaporean context this may sound like some guy driving his porsche to pick me up...no no, it's not anything fancy like that. It's all done by foot or bike here :P Or at least the people in my social circle do...Speaking of which, what do Singaporean guys do when they ask a girl out on a date and offer to pick her up from her house? (Just to clarify, Wallet Guy wasn't asking me out on a date...I think, at least.) I'm guessing they feel like they'll lose too much face if they take the bus/MRT to pick them up if they have started working but don't own a car? (Ah...this is why school love is so much less pretentious.) I guess maybe what they do is not even pick the girl up then.)

See, I hang out with guys all the time...and just as friends, too, mind you. And they don't make a move on me or anything, probably because I'm not eligible from their point of view, and probably also because I don't flirt or send out any vibes to say I'm interested. And they definitely won't offer to pick me up from my house but we'd just arrange a meeting place. So this was new. And a little worrying. But hey, maybe he's just a gentleman. Plus we live awfully close to each other (which was why he dropped his wallet near my house) and so it's not like he was going out of his way to meet me right outside my house. It was a 2 minute walk :P So yea, there was no need to get too worried.

We were meant to go into a cafe* but he couldn't really remember which one he went to the last time and we ended up going into a tapas restaraunt instead, which was fine since we both hadn't eaten even though it was 8.30pm. For me it was because I, well, haven't put in too much effort to eat regularly besides generally ensuring I've eaten at least once. For him it was because he apparently doesn't eat dinners often. Not surprising, because he goes to the gym like 5 times a week or something. He's super buff. On top of that, he's really tall...185 to 190 probably. Tall and buff german guy. Which is all fine (pretty darn good actually), except for the receding hairline :P

*I understand once again how this would almost obviously be seen as a guy being interested if this happened in Singapore. Singaporean guys just don't ever seem to hang out with girls individually. I'm not saying it's just oh-so-common here, but it's just an invitation to hang out one-to-one doesn't ALWAYS mean something is going on but could just be a friendly gesture**.

The tapas we had was good. Probably my first or second time having tapas, I think. But he eats really slowly...and takes frequent pauses to eat and so the food was ice cold after like...1.5 hours of being there. Maybe he just wanted me to eat more so that he could keep his body shape? Haha, I don't know. I just couldn't really devour it while he was taking his time, you know. And then he paid for the meal again. I offered, but he refused...In fact, I offered about 3 times but tried not to come across as pushy or rude. It's all fine...I did try. Guys do see the need to be a gentleman to pay sometimes (not all, obviously...) First time Wallet Guy treated me was out of courtesy for me saving his wallet, second time out of niceness. If it happened for the third time, I'd be worried. What does one do? Are there any guys who continuously pay for a girl's portion without expecting anything? I wonder... And despite everything so far being reasonably explained by him being a gentleman and/or just trying to be friendly to someone he feels is a nice person for not running away with his wallet, I also couldn't help but wonder that maybe he did like me.

I thought about it. And realised it doesn't matter because I wouldn't be that interested. For reasons like me having a boyfriend, but mainly, me not being interested in relationships even if I didn't already have a boyfriend. Speaking of the latter, I sometimes feel detached to Peeg. I dunno if it's because I have a new (but maybe still perfectly normal) attitude towards relationships, or maybe I have just lost the whole sense of it. I just don't get the buzz anymore, you know. I can't imagine getting the buzz anymore either...from a person I know barely anything about. And this is something that most people won't understand. What most people experience and what I used to experience, is that they get all excited about the new person, want to find out everything about that person, want to spend every single day with that person (all initially, of course). This is just something I cannot grasp with anymore. I cannot imagine being excited, curious, hopeful about a person I barely know, even though it is THAT mysterious quality which makes them extra enticing to those have envisaged their new crush as a messiah to all their emotional woes. It does not make sense logically to me and my emotions go with that logic. Currently, I do not see myself leaving Peeg for another person. It may not necessarily be because I love him to that extent, although feelings and responsibility towards him would obviously play a role. But that aside, it is also likely to be because I don't see how someone, whose true self -- and not just a social self which is the one you show around friends -- I won't ever get to see UNTIL I get into a relationship with him, will be a better choice than someone (i.e. Peeg) whose true self I've already had a glimpse of and find decent. The only way that could happen is if I throw a huge load of hope that the grass is greener on the other side into the equation.

Anyway. After having thought about all that...Just today, he texted me wishing I had a good day and then in the next line, the bomb dropped: I could not stop thinking about you the whole day. Hopefully I can see you soon.

Oh, dear, me.

I am currently still ignoring that text. I can't just go, "Thank you, that's very nice. I have a boyfriend." Or, can I? Thing is, I don't want to make this awkward such that we can never be friends again. And saying that would definitely make it bad, and he'd probably stay out of asking me out as a friend ever again. Maybe ignoring it will mean that he will get the idea, but still ask me out the next time, keeping in mind that I'm not interested and it'll just be a meet-up as friends.

No idea. What am I meant to do? I guess this one is the quickest and most direct thus far. No mind games or anything. Definitely not on my side. For any cases I've had previously (whether they ended up as my bf, or lately, someone I had to tell I wasn't interested in being more than friends), I'd have had some participation and would have probably flirted a little at least. But this one all I did was to be a good citizen (and get rewarded for it), be friendly but not flirty. Maybe it's because this is my week of ovulation and I am being particularly attractive to the males without even doing much.

I wish I could tell people, "I'm honestly not going to be the one for you. We WILL break up eventually even if we got together. I am outwardly and socially normal and I do feel average in general. But I have mental and emotional issues which creep up every now and then. I am unable to find joy in my life and so I don't have things that I can do which make me necessarily happy (it may be sports, travelling, having sex, just living in general, for you), nor do I have the ability to be in a relationship and feel safe...So you'd probably be unhappy with me. Food is probably the only thing that can colour my life and get me excited. One day, you will feel like being single, being without me, being with another girl. So what's the point of going through all that hassle for such a painful ending?"

If they still find me absolutely facinating and willing to be with me, then maybe I'd give a try (or just think they're crazy, they don't listen, and don't understand wtf I just told them...hmm...this is likely to be what I'd do, seeing what happened to Delusional Guy. He was absolutely delusional, though...Since he was saying things that really was not the case). But since it's socially unconventional to say such things, and I do not want to seem like I'm overreacting by having a speech in response to their interest, I guess I'll just go with ignoring Wallet Guy's text. Suggestions to do otherwise are welcome.

**I guess that point does not hold true for this case :P But I've definitely had male friends cook for me and go out for tea/lunch with me without anything ever happening beyond friendship :) The only time this has happened in Singapore was with my gay friend. Hah. Other male friends, even though I've known them since JC days (so 5-6 years now), they would still never ever ask to meet up with me one-on-one. It'd be a "Let's meet up. I'll get so and so to join. ... Oh, they're not free. Oh well, let's meet up some other time then (because if I meet up one-on-one with you you may think I am interested in you and no way in hell would I want to give you that idea)."


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November 6, 2012   04:34 AM PST
Whats the latest now with wallet guy? Everything's fine and dandy with you?
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November 2, 2012   07:32 AM PDT
yea, really not that interested in relationships" would ensure he wouldn't send a text of that nature,
Red Marbles
September 28, 2012   12:48 AM PDT
Oh well, I'm sure if I ignore the problem, it will go away. It's not like I really have to do anything if I cannot be bothered to face it.
Red Marbles
September 28, 2012   12:39 AM PDT
Oh! Haha. Obviously forgot :P

No, I didn't really read too much into it, which is why I took the offer up.

Thing is it seems too late to mention this now!! We had a 2-line exchange about relationships and I was being dismissive about relationships. I should have brought up me having a bf then because that would be an appropriate time since we were on that topic. On the other hand, it was probably the most inappropriate time, too, considering the attitude towards relationships I was trying to bring across!

I also thought that in case he did like me, any "yea, really not that interested in relationships" would ensure he wouldn't send a text of that nature, but obviously that failed.

Was he being too intense? It's refreshing, though. Most guys don't seem to care enough. He asked today if I wanted to join him to watch a movie. Said no, though.
Addict's addict
September 27, 2012   10:24 AM PDT
Definitely not the first time you've had tapas. :)

And yeah, if he invited you for tea, it's fair not to read *too* much into it, even if it did end up being dinner. I'd say if someone you don't know well invites you for dinner then that's a bit more obviously a date.

Any, three things:

1) "Thank you, that's very nice. I have a boyfriend." Or, can I? -- Yes you can!

2) I guess you probably don't want to be the sort of girls that's always going on about her boyfriend this and her boyfriend that, but you've been for dinner with this guy twice now! It would have been easy enough to mention him, no? Would save a lot of awkwardness on all sides next time :)

3) This guy is being super intense. I wouldn't count on staying friends with him after this. Sorry. :(

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