Entry: Another Year Older :( Thursday, November 08, 2012

A couple of days after I posted that entry, I rejected Wallet Guy. He told me he had a surprise for me and asked to meet up the day after. I told him I have a boyfriend. He replied with a "Okay, thanks for being honest with me."

Haven't heard from him since then. *shrug*

I wonder if I'll ever find someone who could stir me again. Oh damn, I forgot I'm with Peeg. I tend to forget that. We're doing okay, really. But yes, I do wonder if I'll ever find someone. I sort of have mini crushes but nothing serious. No-one who makes me feel like I should give it a go. No-one who makes me feel like I will be loved for whoever I am. Well, that I know I won't. Maybe because I feel like I can't love someone for the way he is. Not anymore, at least. If they have a trait I don't really like (and everyone has traits I don't really like), then I automatically feel like I can never be with them for life.

Friend just got engaged. Xiaxue is pregnant...

At least I'm still young. I'm saying that not because I feel like I have more time to find someone, but more that I don't feel the pressure or disappointment as much since I'm young.

I also wonder if I'll ever feel happy. Things that make people feel happy make me sad, if not stressed. Things like feeling the heat of the sun on your face on a cool day. I can get emotional over that. I don't find that weird, but I can understand how telling that to someone will make them label me as a weirdo or a dampener.  I guess this is also why I don't think someone would ever want to be with me for who I am.

Work's going okay. Keeps life going. It's such a waste of life if you don't enjoy it, isn't it? Such a waste if it's "okay". But well, people like that I hang around in the background...So I shall. It would be too obstructive if I made any changes to their lives if I voluntarily disappear. I will still die one day. And the day I die out of old age or some horrible illness will be a tragedy to myself. Because I would feel like I have not felt what I should have felt in life.

It's Saturday. It's also almost 4pm. I was meant to start working about 3 hours ago. I guess I'll get started soon. There's a birthday celebrations thing going on at the moment but I'll join in later on in the evening for a drink. Mini-crush may be there. I also don't feel like spending money on drinks, so I may just end up drinking water.

I wiped my laptop screen. It is actually almost dust-free. The keyboard is gross though. Maybe I should try and get the mini hoover to clean it...I am meant to be doing some work, though....Hm.

This entry was probably quite dull. Sorry.


I typed this entry a few weeks ago but never published it then becauase Blogdrive was being stupid.

Anyway. It's my birthday today. And it's the first I genuinely didn't really care about. Maybe it's all part of growing old. Dunno. I did celebrate it...Only just. And it was just frustrating for me because it was effort on my part to arrange while most of the people I "celebrate" it with couldn't care less about it otherwise. I did have one coursemate whom I'm quite close with who did care enough though. He cancelled his training (partly also because I was feeling down (see below)) and then treated me to dinner.

I am feeling crappy as I fell ill at 6 in the morning. I was up all night skyping with Peeg. Things between us weren't going well. And at 6, I started to feel my throat was a little dry and itchy...and it kept getting worse for the next half hour. I went to bed at about 6.30am and when I woke up, it was a sorethroat. And as the day progressed, it kept getting worse -_-

It's getting worse even as I type this.



March 18, 2013   05:17 AM PDT
Hello, still around? Hope you're doing ok.
Red Marbles
December 1, 2012   10:18 AM PST
Thanks for the wishes!!

I typed a reply previously but strangely it didn't appear. Boo.
Red Marbles
November 22, 2012   10:55 PM PST
Thanks for the birthday wishes :) (technically addict's addict didn't wish me, still. But nvm :P)
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November 16, 2012   01:41 AM PST
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November 13, 2012   09:27 AM PST
Happy Deepavali!
November 11, 2012   02:58 AM PST
Happy Belated birthday!!sorry I missed too :p

Have a blessed weekend
Addict's addict
November 9, 2012   10:50 AM PST
Oh crap, I missed your birthday, again. I am the worst.

This post made me sad. Long distance is hard enough at the best of times, and it really doesn't sound like you're getting much out of it.

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